sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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