just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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