Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
