Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
