We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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