I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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