I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
