But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
God I need to hump something, right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
