I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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