Duck Duck Cougar?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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