I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the day after is always just damage control
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
