just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
