I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
