peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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