woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
