Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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