how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
