I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
