piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
