their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
