Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
