I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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