So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
