I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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