even my farts smell like vagina
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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