I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
