saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
