Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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