He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i love accidental penises.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
