dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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