Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
