Sponge bath it is.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
