tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
