just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
