I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
