perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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