just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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