is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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