I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
