turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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