take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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