Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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