you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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