i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Mom said you looked used
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
