do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
