I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
