Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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