I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
