Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
