I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
