That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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