If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
