He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
