I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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