Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
