you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
