September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
