This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
