Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
