Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What a dumb baby whore.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
