The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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