dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The adults are the big ones right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
