if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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