Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
now i know why i became what i already was.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
