Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
