and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
