She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and you said cock pushups were impossible
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
