I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
