i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
